I can't even begin to deny that it feels to me like I am being handed a bum hand here. (Only as far as the cancer is concerned, right now – certainly not in my life in general.)
There isn't much for me to feel "in control" about in this situation. It feels like this is all happening to me.
Yet one clear element of control that I do have is my perspective on what is happening to me. It is the choice between a glass half-full or half-empty perspective. There is really not much I can do except roll w/it.
There are so many lessons in this experience. Reminders really – things that we all know deep down but all-too-often forget.
When it comes to perspective, my friend Matt summarized it well on our walk to Church on Sunday. He can easily dwell on the loss of his son Kai at the far too-young age of 10 – on the inherent injustice of that, of what was taken from him. Alternately, rather than allow himself to be paralyzed by that perspective, he chooses (now) to celebrate all that Kai's time on Earth brought him – the gifts and what to do with it all now that Kai is gone.
I face a similar choice - to be empowered, to take some semblance of control or to fester in the negativity and go away quietly.
I see this experience as a wake-up call – albeit rude. Apparently God has been trying to get my attention otherwise and I haven't been listening. So, he's had to resort to more extreme measures.
I prefer to look at it this way…it as if I have lived the first 42 years of my life and am now going into the locker room for halftime. "The Coach" is going to chew me out a bit and there is going to be a course adjustment, a change in game plan for the second half. I have been given special gifts that I have not applied to anywhere near maximum effect thus far. I believe that the Good Lord has shown His light on me throughout this ordeal. How can I respond by continuing to hide my own light under a basket? I see it as if I am coming back out onto the field for the next 42 (I hope) years w/a different strategy. It all came from Him to begin with - He's just asking me to give a little more back.